Time
for that magical update on how my life is going. Things have been tough, I
won't lie about that. There have been multiple times where I have cried myself
to sleep, and where I wanted to go home for good. But, I am still here. Still
fighting. I have tried so many times to convince myself that I have made the
right choice, while also trying to convince myself I made the wrong one.
So,
do you want to know the reason I'm still here? Still in Texas fighting like my
life depends on it? Well, simply put, it does. I have had to figure out how to
be an adult. Without my family around. While, I know that they are still there,
and will help when I call (as I have had to ask for help), it's a completely
different ballgame when you have to swallow your pride and call someone all the
way across the country. It made me realize how stubborn I truly am.
For
the first time since I have been here, my bank account isn't withdrawn (believe
me, I checked before I published this). And I have a job. With friends. I even
went so far as to make a spreadsheet so that I could get back on track and I
wouldn't get a phone call stating that my car was about to be repo-ed (things
were bad, remember?).
The
reason for all of this, is to show you that starting over is hard. It is really
hard. But oh god it was worth it. Even while all of those bad things were
happening, I had to think about how to fix it, and how to make it work. And,
I've gained more confidence because of that. It's hard to start over,
especially when you're at rock bottom. But, the funny thing about rock bottom?
The only way to go is up.
